06.15.07

Chandu Chacha Chaley England

Posted in Humour at 7:26 am by PuneTalks

The old man of Indian cricket Raj Singhji Dungarpur bumped into me in Rediffland recently.
He says that Team India needs an elder brother.
Who doesn’t need one? I asked him.
“Well Dalmiaji doesn’t need one,” he said swiftly.
“Bur Your Highness! Who would like to become the elder brother of a man who ran an election against the Police Commissioner and actually won?”
The royal Raj Singhji smiled.
“Well said Beta. Look my son why do we need a coach for men like Sachin, Dravid, Laxman and Dhoni? What can you teach them about cricket? They are the experts. They need an elder brother who can look after their emotional needs,” he opined.
I wanted to tell him that at a time when Gavaskar has become Sunil Uncle, how could he think of Chandu Border as Chandu Bhaiyya?  Does he not looks more like Borde Daadu?
And would not their wives provide them with the emotional support, that Raj Singhji is referring to. After all, cricketers across the world toe this line of thought.
But I had to nod in agreement. After all it is in my culture not to unnecessarily argue with elderly people.
I agree that Sachin needs an elder brother but then I do believe that he does have one in real life and if elder brothers are the ones that this team needs then, they should be encouraged to take their real siblings with them. Why trouble Chandu Chacha?
Borde Saab will have to become Bhai Saab when he would rather be happy playing the shy, retiring-type uncleji-next-door.
If Team India needs a manager and not a coach then why appoint Robin Singh and Prasad as Fielding and Bowling coach. Incidentally when I told Sanat Jayasurya that Prasad is the new bowling coach; the batsman from Lanka really guffawed.
Chacha Chandu can’t be a coach since he may no longer be as agile as a coach needs to be. It is beyond him to rise early and make the boys perform the morning drill. And sit with the team’s think-tank for long hours strategizing the team’s plan to defeat the opponents.

If it is the manager that the team needs, then SITA World Travels could do a better job. Arranging the team bus and tossing the evening entertainment plans are best left to the pros.
So what really would Chacha do in England?
He would tell the boys, “Beta. Don’t stay late in the nightclub. You have to resume batting tomorrow” or “Arey Bachon, don’t say the four-letter word on the field. The stump-microphones catch your words very distinctly. What will Sharadji say if he hears these world?”
He may even lend a shoulder to Kumble, each time Ganguly drops a catch off his bowling. “Koi baat nahi, Beta Kumble. Try again and you will succeed”
He would also ensure that Ganguly does gulp his daily dose of Chawanprash and shares his Sona-Channdi brand with all his teammates.
And if India loses the series in England, he may say philosophically,
“Winning and losing is in the hands of God. My wards did their best. They lost because of some bad deeds done in their last birth”
Thanks BCCI for giving us Borde Chacha. We really needed a comic interlude in the epic of Indian cricket.

Sudhir Bisht is a Consultant and a freelance writer. Reach him at sudhir_bisht@rediffmail.com

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